Men Going Their Own Way

Musings on Masculinity and Men's Issues in Modern Society.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Bad Boys, Nice Guys and Real Men™

For years, I tried to hammer a square peg into a round hole by falling for the feminist brainwashing that "you need to get in touch with your emotions" etc. Has it ever occurred to women that a man is indifferent because he actually feels indifferent? Maybe he has no need or desire to talk about emotions and the reason why nice guys do is because they base all their self worth on how women perceive them.

Unfortunately the missing piece of the puzzle is that nice guys only take into account what women actually state, not their actions. Now the other problem is swinging over to the other end of the spectrum and replacing the lost piece of the puzzle with trying to ACT tough, aloof and indifferent. This will not work in the long term and will only continue the negativity because the root of the problem has not been dealt with. Acting like a bad boy is still supplicating to women in a different but equally disempowering sense as is trying to be a nice guy.

The solution is simple, we men must pull back the power we give to women and focus on ourselves, for ourselves, not women. We need to find out how we really "feel" when we no longer value ourselves based on how successful we are in attracting women.

THIS IS THE TOUGH BIT We must let go of everything we have built our identity on regarding attracting women and find out once and for all who we really are, how we really want to live our lives, based on our own values. Could it be that when we really give up disempowering ourselves that we no longer have "feelings" of depression, anxiety, low self worth etc?

Could this be the end of seeking a substitute for the masculinity that was always within us?

Could this be the path to becoming a strong confident and well-adjusted man?

Here's the dichotomy, will a man do what's best for himself, taking the risk that women may overtly show disapproval or will he continue to sell himself out by supplicating to women? Men who try to be a nice guy or a bad boy or whatever may just be reacting to their insecurity. There are many negative consequences to these actions: supplicating to women by spending vast amounts of time, money and self respect to win a few crumbs of affection is prostituting ourselves as much as risking a criminal record, our neck, and self respect, trying to impress women. The energy could be put into doing the things we want in our lives and could it possibly be, that maybe, just maybe, women, deep down, want to love and respect a man in his own right, with a strong sense of who he is, what his moral code is, what his boundaries are, and could it be that this is the very essence of what a woman ultimately wants when she says she wants a "real man".

However, it is men who must define what a "real man" is, not women and this is the very reason why he exists and why she responds to him.