Men Going Their Own Way

Musings on Masculinity and Men's Issues in Modern Society.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Bad Boys, Nice Guys and Real Men™

For years, I tried to hammer a square peg into a round hole by falling for the feminist brainwashing that "you need to get in touch with your emotions" etc. Has it ever occurred to women that a man is indifferent because he actually feels indifferent? Maybe he has no need or desire to talk about emotions and the reason why nice guys do is because they base all their self worth on how women perceive them.

Unfortunately the missing piece of the puzzle is that nice guys only take into account what women actually state, not their actions. Now the other problem is swinging over to the other end of the spectrum and replacing the lost piece of the puzzle with trying to ACT tough, aloof and indifferent. This will not work in the long term and will only continue the negativity because the root of the problem has not been dealt with. Acting like a bad boy is still supplicating to women in a different but equally disempowering sense as is trying to be a nice guy.

The solution is simple, we men must pull back the power we give to women and focus on ourselves, for ourselves, not women. We need to find out how we really "feel" when we no longer value ourselves based on how successful we are in attracting women.

THIS IS THE TOUGH BIT We must let go of everything we have built our identity on regarding attracting women and find out once and for all who we really are, how we really want to live our lives, based on our own values. Could it be that when we really give up disempowering ourselves that we no longer have "feelings" of depression, anxiety, low self worth etc?

Could this be the end of seeking a substitute for the masculinity that was always within us?

Could this be the path to becoming a strong confident and well-adjusted man?

Here's the dichotomy, will a man do what's best for himself, taking the risk that women may overtly show disapproval or will he continue to sell himself out by supplicating to women? Men who try to be a nice guy or a bad boy or whatever may just be reacting to their insecurity. There are many negative consequences to these actions: supplicating to women by spending vast amounts of time, money and self respect to win a few crumbs of affection is prostituting ourselves as much as risking a criminal record, our neck, and self respect, trying to impress women. The energy could be put into doing the things we want in our lives and could it possibly be, that maybe, just maybe, women, deep down, want to love and respect a man in his own right, with a strong sense of who he is, what his moral code is, what his boundaries are, and could it be that this is the very essence of what a woman ultimately wants when she says she wants a "real man".

However, it is men who must define what a "real man" is, not women and this is the very reason why he exists and why she responds to him.


Jules said...

Very well said.
Follow your own star.. go backcountry skiing and live out of your van , or somesuch and you will find rewards quite independent from feministas or an emasculated society . You will also find women find it quite attractive and refreshing

Monad said...

Thanks Jules and true, but who cares about the feministas or an emasculated society? I certainly don't...

...I realise what it is, but getting angry ain't gonna change it. Collectively, perhaps, but not individually. As such it is banging ones head against a brick wall waiting for the masses to wake up....will they??

I'm not so sure anymore. I still stand by MGTOW, regardless of some criticism towards the movement at large.

Onward and upward...

Anonymous said...

unfortunately there is a hierarchy in our social construct of identity we cant have a planet full of alpha males and alpha females (regardless of income)alphaness is an attitude a mind set, if we cant see that feminism seeks to empower women to choose their alpha males, we are just the oppressor good women are trying to avoid, if we succumb to it without scrutiny about the unconpromising factors that make us real men, then we become the weakling feminist love to oppress

Anonymous said...

Actually, when you all are unmasked and your games no longer work, you escape to frustrating women by becoming MGTOW. Just more of same.

Anonymous said...

I had been married for 17 years, supplicating to the fancies and whims of my wife. We had 5 children together, and when I was deployed to Iraq a second time, I found she went out to the clubs, cheating on me. I didn't understand how a woman with now 16 years of marriage and 5 kids could do something like this. I returned, thinking we would work on our marriage. She had no intentions, yet continued to lead me on that we had a future. I deployed a last time, she did it again. I returned, and confronted her, went to counseling, encouraged her to come with, she refused. I went through a vasectomy, all the while she let me continue, knowing she was already 'checked out' of our marriage. I came down on orders to another location giving her an ultimatum that "I'm going, taking the house and children, and she needed to make a decision." She came with me, but her heart was far from us. Within a year she told me she "Couldn't put all her eggs in one basket." I asked her "What the hell do you think a marriage is?" In my reflections, she was looking for a man who didn't compromise himself for her, but was himself with her. I thought she wanted me to make her happy. After the divorce, I won custody of all 5 of our children, she continues to blame me for all her problems to this day. I swore off women for at least a year, so I could clear my head and figure out who I was. I began to thrive, and became very happy deep down inside. Even my children were becoming happy again.

In 18 months three women began trying to date me, and I took my time with each one. There was no sex, yet I could tell that it was coming to a head, and I could feel the desire inside me. I broke it off after the third dates with two of them, and pursued the third woman. She is a strong, independent woman, and I became as madly in love with her as she is with me. Within 18 months we married. To this day, we disagree and we talk about our perspectives. There's really no fighting, and at the end of it, neither of us compromise who we are. And guess what? We are still as madly in love with each other through it all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, real women desire real men. It takes maturity, humility, understanding, but most importantly, communication. You don't have to prostitute yourself out, woman or man, I respect her even more for not doing it, just as she respects me for not doing it. It just takes the ability to accept what each other says and believes as valuable. Something America seems to have lost today.

Men need to become men again. Men need to become mature, not bad boys, not supplicants, not Alphas. Just, themselves, comfortable in their own skin. Life gets awkward and messy, but that's ok. We're imperfect people; it's ok to say we're wrong when we're wrong, and it's ok to stand our ground when that's what it takes. My wife calls me out on my shit, and I'll call her out on hers, but we do it in love, respect, and tact. And it's OK.

People need to become mature again, and walk in respect of others, and learn when to be patient with those who don't...yet.